Sleep, the attack soap dispenser and using the toilet

Sleeping has ever been one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm a tosser and turner, and I never really sleep well, no matter what surface I'm on. There are however two exceptions, 1. I'm extremely drunk( in which case it's not actually sleeping but a form of being passed out) or 2. I over exert myself in some way.

We have a soap dispenser that shoots soap at a sort of upward angle. The reason for this is that we use Dr. Bronner's liquid soap, and it drys out in the spout. When one pumps the dispenser the soap usually comes out of the top half of the metal pipe type protrusion at the end of the pump. I'm guessing gravity, previously acting on the small bit of soap residue in the pump end from the previous use, causes a small opening in the top portion of the diameter of the pump nozzle type thingy.
The end result of this small opening is that if one does not cup their hand in an awkward way they get attacked by the soap dispenser(hehe) so I have managed to master this, and pretty safely get soap. The only problem is that guests continually get a splot of soap on their chest right above their left or right chest almost on the shoulder. So I ask you this reader,----would you replace this soap dispenser?

And the last point---bowel movements are probably better than sex but I'm still deliberating on that one----maybe only because there is more buildup to a toilet visit-----at least physically, and I'm still basking in the relief/afterglow of a fantastic toilet visit.